Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
