So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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