Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
