I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
