I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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