I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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