There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
