Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
