like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
