So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
