everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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