I think my vagina is haunted
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
