what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
