the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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