I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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