I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
