Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize