literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
