yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize