what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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