Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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