His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
