i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
