But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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