i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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