I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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