Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
