the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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