I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Welp...herpes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
