Michael Bay diarrhea
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
