After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was not drunk enough for that final.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
