Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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