And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
