I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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