You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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