ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
