Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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