porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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