the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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