Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize