I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
