he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you have feelings for this penis?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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