I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
