i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
