I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
