I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize