I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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