I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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