Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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