You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
