He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
