take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
