Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
