I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
