what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
