Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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