you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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