I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The adults are the big ones right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
