dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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