And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
