I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
