Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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