im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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