is your mom at the bar?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
