....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We need to get me chipped asap
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
