I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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