I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
