Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
