You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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