It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Randomize
