i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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