You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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