I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need to stop coming to work sober
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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