JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
